singing fucking blows. end of story.
sometimes i can’t let go. i can’t let myself live. let myself accept the changes that have come my way. i pretend. i put on the face that i’m okay because i think that’s what i have to do. i don’t know how to stop this cycle. i try. i’m aware. but i can’t change my reactions. my heart was broken by myself and another. a man has entered my life who stole my heart in a complete and utterly insane fashion. he has my whole heart. he’s what i want. he’s what fills my thoughts. because of my past broken heart it seems almost impossible not to worry. not to doubt the future. what can i do about that now? nothing. enjoy today. be. live. what else can i do? nothing. do i love him? yes. i think it’s wes. it’s the fear of that.
fuckin’ fear. invades everyday and everynight thought. i am afraid to break again. with him i couldn’t bear it. literally couldn’t bear it. with aaron, i made it out alive. it was broken long before it broke. with him, i have a need. a need that wasn’t there with aaron. brandon fills me up to full. i have to not be afraid of that. but i’m afraid.
that’s gay. i gotta work on that.
life’s not a competition. get over yourself people. you’re not that important.
fuck i’m annoyed today.